Who By Fire
by Georgy-Girl
Summary: How much can one person put up with before they break?
1. Chapter 1

_This one is a little darker than my usual stories, but I hope you enjoy it all the same. Please review, the more people review the more I post :)_

 _Also of note- I'm not up to date with Casualty, all I know about the most recent episode is what a lovely person told me on tumblr, so please excuse any plot differences._

...

Two weeks. Two weeks since he'd asked Zoe for a divorce and he'd barely seen her. Suddenly it was Zoe avoiding him and not the other way around. Max was considering this when he found Zoe alone in the staffroom staring out the window. Perhaps now was the time to bring it up again.

As Max stepped forward, he began to notice that her body was shaking slightly. "Zoe?" His voice came out so quietly he wasn't sure she'd hear, but she turned around all the same and he saw tears in her eyes.

When Zoe saw Max she just shook her head, turning back to the window as her tears began to fall. She couldn't talk to him because she yearned for comfort he wouldn't offer, and she knew it would just upset her more.

Max stood with his arms hanging by his sides, unsure what to do. He was considering going to find Charlie or Rita, maybe even Dylan, but when he heard a soft sob come from Zoe he stopped thinking and stepped forward, pulling Zoe into his arms.

As he held Zoe tightly, he could feel the sobs racking her body as she buried her face in his chest, her hands gripping his polo shirt tightly. He wasn't sure how long they stood there, but when the sobs became so much that he could hear Zoe struggling to catch her breath, Max began rubbing her back. "Shh. It's ok. Calm down."

Slowly, Zoe's breathing began to even. When he felt her muscles beginning to relax, Max finally stepped back.

Zoe kept her eyes on the floor, aware of both what had just happened and what her face must look like. She was surprised when Max reached out and brushed some tears gently from her cheek.

"Go and wash your face and I'll get you a coffee."

Not willing to speak or look at him, lest she begin crying again, Zoe nodded and walked away.

…

Max was walking towards Zoe's office a short time later when he saw her walking slowly ahead of him. He realised suddenly how tired she looked and it made his heart ache. He shouldn't love her, but he couldn't stop.

…

Zoe looked up when Max entered her office and she managed to give him a slight smile, though it didn't reach her eyes.

Max approached her desk and put down both a coffee and a chocolate bar.

"Thank you." Zoe offered hoarsely.

Max nodded, glancing towards the door as he pushed his hands deep into his pockets. "What happened?"

As Zoe opened her mouth to reply, Connie entered the room. "It's like bedlam out there, why are you in here?!" She barked at Max.

He glanced at Zoe once more before offering a mumbled apology. Rushing out, he bumped into Rita who watched with a frown as he half ran down the corridor like he was scared he'd be called back.

…

"Robyn." Max stopped next to her as she pulled her bag out from her locker.

"What?"

"…Did something happen in resus today?" He asked hesitantly

"Something happens in resus every day, Max."

Sighing, max folded his arms. "Well, what happened in there today?"

Robyn pulled her bag on and rolled her eyes. "Just leave it, Max. She's not worth it."

"Just tell me what happened!" Max snapped.

"…A pregnant woman came in. She asked Dr Hanna to save the baby, but both mother and child ended up dying and the husband was understandably upset with the lovely doctor."

…

Max hesitated outside Zoe's office. Through the window he could see her looking down at paperwork with a pen poised in her hand, but she hadn't written a thing since he'd been watching.

Taking a deep breath, Max took another couple of steps so that he stood in the doorway. "…Zoe?"

She glanced up, surprised to see Max once more. "Does someone need me?"

"Ah, no. It's still quiet. I was wondering if…there's a few of us going…I thought maybe you could do with a glass of wine."

"Oh." It was all Zoe could manage, unsure exactly what Max was saying.

Motioning over his shoulder, Max tried again. "A few of us are going to the pub, and I thought maybe you'd like to come with us."

Zoe hesitated before she replied. "Ok. I'll just get my things and meet you…you all there."

Max nodded, glancing at Zoe's pale face once more before he turned on is heel and headed towards the pub, unsure whether he was doing the right thing for either of them.


	2. Chapter 2

Zoe glanced around the pub when she entered.

Max was sat with a large group of people, but when he saw Zoe, it was like they were the only two in the world, and he hated it. When her eyes finally fell on him, he held up the large glass of wine he'd brought her hesitantly.

Zoe wanted nothing more than to sit next to Max. Even if he didn't touch her or talk to her or even look at her, just his close presence would have been so comforting, but she couldn't bring herself to sit with so many people. Not tonight. Reluctantly, she shook her head, motioning to the group he sat with.

"Don't." Robyn told Max, for she'd watched the exchange, but he ignored her and pointed to the small empty table by the window. When Zoe nodded, Max picked up both drinks and stood. "Max, I'm serious. Don't. You're just setting yourself up to be hurt again!"

"I didn't ask for your opinion." Max snapped.

"Thanks." Zoe said softly when Max put the glass of wine in front of her. As he sat down, she took a long sip with her eyes shut.

Max had a sudden almost overwhelming need to kiss her. Trying to distract himself, the porter attempted to tap into the searing anger he'd been feeling recently, but he couldn't. Not while she looked like this. He'd never seen her look so broken. "Robyn told me what happened in resus."

Zoe's eye's flickered open and she stared down at her drink. "I made the wrong choice."

 _You make a habit of that_ Max thought. "Whatever you did, you made the right choice."

"How do you know?" Zoe asked softly.

"Because I have faith in you." When Zoe's eyes lifted to his, he looked away.

"Max-"

"This was a bad idea, I need to go." He stood up and grabbed his jacket.

"Max, I need you."

When Zoe almost whispered the words Max had waited so long to hear, he hesitated. He was almost on the verge of pulling her into his arms when Lofty grabbed his arm. "Come on, mate! We're doing a pub crawl and you're buying the first round of drinks."

Max stared at Zoe, unsure what to do. In his head he begged her to look at him, but her eyes stayed firmly focused on her wine glass, and eventually he began to think he'd imagined her words.

"Coming, Lofty." Max studied Zoe's profile once more before he followed his friends from the pub.

…

The next morning Robyn pulling his curtains aside rudely awaked Max. "What are you doing?!"

"You need to get up. It's 12, and you're supposed to be meeting your mum at 1."

Max sighed and shut his eyes. Just what he didn't need.

"Are you going to tell her about Zoe yet?"

"What, and have to sit there listening to her say I told you so and then bad mouth Zoe? No thanks, I get enough of that from you."

"She deserves being bad mouthed, Max. She hurt you."

"Yes, she hurt _me_ , no one else, so when I tell you to leave her be, perhaps you should listen to me. Now go away, I need to get dressed."

…

While Max waited at the restaurant for his mother, he picked up and put down his phone several times before he finally composed a message. He'd deleted Zoe's number from his phone, but he still remembered it off by heart.

 _Max: I hope you slept ok._

He was waiting anxiously for a reply when his mother appeared with a smile.

Kissing her son on the cheek, she motioned to the empty seat beside him. "No Zoe today?"

"Ah, no. Working."

"As usual."

Max sighed but gave no reply as he downed the last of his beer and ordered another.

They were half way through lunch before she asked what had been on her mind. "Does Zoe wear those earrings often?"

Max was drawn from his daydreaming by her question. "What earrings?"

Greta rolled her eyes. "Men. The earrings I gave her at the hen's night. They're the ones that were my mothers, and I gave them to Zoe and told her that she could give them to your daughter one day."

"…How much had she had to drink at that point?" Max asked.

"Not much, I suppose. It was after that she got a bit…she hasn't lost them, has she? Max! They were family heirlooms!" Greta watched as Max stood up. "Where are you going? Max!"

She called out after him, but he disappeared in a hurry without looking back.


	3. Chapter 3

"Zoe? It's me!" Max called out as he opened the front door to their apartment. _Her apartment,_ he corrected himself. When he got no reply, he began walking through the rooms, calling her name. The last room he came to was the bedroom, where he found the sheets tangled, but no Zoe.

 _Work. She must be at work._ Nodding to himself, wondering why he hadn't considered it before, Max left the apartment in a hurry.

…

"Dylan, have you seen Zoe recently?"

Dylan spun around and then opened and closed his mouth several times before replying, "If you want to have a go at her, now probably isn't the time."

Max gave a frustrated sigh, his eyes scanning the ED. "I don't. Look, do you know where she is or not?"

"I'm not sure I should tell you."

"For gods sake, Dylan! I need to talk to her! Just tell me where she is!" Max yelled, impatient to find her. He wasn't quite sure what he'd say or do when he finally saw her, but he was no longer able to suppress the desire to see her.

"She's gone."

"Gone where?" Max's voice was quieter now. She wouldn't have quit. Not without talking to him, not without saying goodbye. Not again.

"America."

"America?! Dylan-"

"I've just driven her to the airport. Early this morning she got a call to say an old friend had passed away."

"Which friend?"

"I don't-"

"Dylan!"

…

When Max reached the front of the queue at the airport check in an hour later, he fumbled around in his wallet until he found the card for the joint account. Silently thankful he hadn't thrown the card out, he put it on the counter. "I need a seat on flight HG247, please."

"I'm afraid that flight is just boarding, sir, but I can fit you in on the-"

"I NEED to get on that flight. Please."

The lady in front of him glanced up at Max and saw the desperation on his face. "...Do you have any luggage?"

"None."

"I should be able to get you on, but it will have to a first class seat."

Hoping Zoe wouldn't be annoyed at him for using the money she'd put in the account, Max nodded.

…

Taking her seat on the plane, Zoe took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. She'd barely slept the night before, tossing and turning and over thinking what seemed like every decision in her life. Finally she began crying, for it hit her that if Max was there, as he'd been in the past when she'd been restless, he would have silently taken her into his arms and started telling her how amazing she was. After a while, she'd begin to believe him.

It was almost 4am when the call came. A voice she didn't recognise telling her without feeling that Nick had passed away. She hadn't even apologised or given Zoe any further details, and she was in too much shock to ask anything. When the call ended, she dialled Max's number, but her finger hovered over the call button, unable to press it. Finally, she dialled Dylan's number.

She wasn't sure how he managed it all, but he'd shown up an hour later with all the details she needed and a flight booked. He'd even packed a bag for her and was almost apologetic that he couldn't come with her.

The drive to the airport was done in silence. Zoe felt she had no tears left for anything and no words that would right her world once more.


	4. Chapter 4

Max made it just as they were closing the boarding gate. Breathlessly, he rushed onto the plane, pushing his ticket into the hands of a flight attendant without looking at her, his eyes scanning the seats he could see.

"Sir, if you'd like to follow me, I-"

"There's someone I need to find." Max took a few steps forward, but another flight attendant blocked his way.

"I'm afraid we're running late as it is, Sir. You need to take a seat, and I will help you find them once we're in the air."

Max's eyes scanned the cabin once more before he nodded and was led to his seat. He'd just settled in when he heard a commotion coming from business class. After a few seconds, a familiar voice reached him.

"No! I need to get off. I can't do this." Zoe struggled against the flight attendant who held both her upper arms.

"Have you been drinking?"

"No! I need to get off, please! There's-" Zoe's final panicked words were muffled in the hoddie of someone pulling her into a hug. She fought for only a second before a surprising calm voice reassured her.

"It's ok, Zoe. Shh." To the flight attendant, Max asked, "Can you seat her near me, or somewhere together?"

The woman gave a sigh. "…This is the person you were looking for?"

Max nodded, his vice like grip on Zoe relaxing a little now she'd stopped struggling.

"There's a spare seat in first class. Follow me."

…

Zoe never asked Max how he'd suddenly appeared on the plane. After he'd managed to make her let go of him, he'd taken her to the seat beside his. While her face remained blank, Max could still see panic and something else he couldn't quite recognise in her eyes. Gently, he'd put her belt on for her, reassuring the flight attendant that they wouldn't cause any more trouble.

They'd been in the air an hour now and aside from his first words to her, neither of them had spoken to one another again. Zoe was sitting with her eyes shut, though he could tell from the grip she still had on his sleeve that she wasn't asleep.

Max spent another hour staring at his wife's profile before he finally asked softly, "Zoe?"

Her eyes opened and she glanced at him before her eyes dropped to the floor.

"…I'm sorry I left yesterday."

"I'm surprised you even invited me in the first place." Zoe replied softly.

"…I do think you're a brilliant doctor."

"Just not a very nice human being." Zoe's hand finally loosened its grip on Max's sleeve.

"I never said that. "

When Zoe finally lifted her eyes to look at Max again, he reached out to tuck some hair behind her ear. "Try and get some sleep."

Zoe's eyes shut at the feel of his touch. "Max?"

"Mmm?" Max was looking down at Zoe's left hand where she still wore her wedding ring.

"I'm so, so sorry. I-"

She was cut off my Max giving her the gentlest kiss she's ever received in her life. "We don't need to talk about that now. Get some sleep."

Zoe nodded, resting her head back.

Max sighed and watched her profile. He hoped he was doing the right thing. For both of them.

…

Zoe did sleep for a little while, but when she awoke, panic was still fresh in her mind. It was dark and she couldn't quite remember where she was or why she was there. As it slowly came back to her- the phone call, Nick, the pregnant woman, her baby- she began to feel overwhelmed. She went to stand up, but suddenly she remembered what else had happened. Max.

She took a deep breath before looking towards the man at her side. Wearing headphones, his eyes were focused on the screen in front of him and he hadn't noticed Zoe waking up.

Max was bored by the movies that were on, but he found with headphones on it was easier for him to concentrate on the thoughts that whirled around his brain. _Should he forgive Zoe just because she was upset? Would she cheat on him again? Was it what his mother had said that made her do it? Would he be able to trust her again if he did manage to forgive her?_ From the corner of his eye, he saw a flight attendant approaching and he was momentarily distracted. When he turned his head to speak to the flight attendant, he found Zoe watching him, her face expressionless as tears tracked their way slowly down her cheeks.

Neither was sure how long they held eye contact for, but it was finally broken when the flight attendant spoke to them. Max was the first to look away. "Pardon?"

"I said would you like anything from the trolley or the bar?"

"I need to go to the bathroom." As Zoe got up and pushed past the trolley, she almost overturned it.

…

 _Max is here. He actually came to me. He's coming with me. He chose to come with me. I look terrible. I need to clean myself up._ Zoe's thoughts flew as she attempted to scrub the tears from her face. She was beginning to tidy her hair when a thought occurred to her. _This isn't what Max loved about me. Yes, he appreciated my looks and my dresses, but he was always saying his favourite Zoe was the one he only saw in glimpses- the vulnerable Zoe, the sleepy Zoe, the Zoe he knew was inside. He loved my confidence, but he loved me when my defences were down more. Loved. Past tense._

"Zoe?" Max knocked on the door gently, unsure if he'd come to the right bathroom.

Inside, Zoe froze.

"…Zoe?"

It was when she heard the worry in his voice that Zoe suddenly understood what she needed to do to get Max back. She needed to be the real her, she needed to let her walls down. She'd tried everything else- flirting, joking, seriousness, apology- and none of it worked.

"I look a mess and the flight attendant thinks I'm mad."

Outside, Max smiled. His first proper smile in weeks. "All the best people are. Let me in, I've got some make up remover."

After a moments hesitation, Zoe unlocked the door and Max slid inside. "Why do you have make up remover?"

"I'm a man of hidden talents. Shut your eyes."

When Zoe did as he asked, Max began gently removing the streaked remnants of make up that were still on her face from days ago when she'd last applied any. When he was done, he tucked her hair behind her ears again and without meaning to dropped a kiss to her forehead.

When her eyes flickered open, Max gave a slight smile. "Sort of imagined the first time I was in a plane toilet with you I'd be joining the mile high club, not cleaning your face."

Zoe smiled hesitantly back, unsure what to say.

"Still, another dream of mine is about to come true."

"What's that?" Zoe asked.

Max silently held up a tracksuit and a pair of trainers with the airlines logo on them.

"I'm not wearing those!"

"You'll be more comfortable. And the wine stain on that dress is giving people entirely the wrong opinion of you."

Zoe sighed and looked down at dress. She hadn't even noticed the red stain on the front of the dress, or how crumped it was."…Ok."

…

When Zoe retuned to her seat a short time later, Max's eyes were focused once more on the screen in front of him, headphones on.

Sitting down, Zoe let out a long sigh. She knew she'd be unable to concentrate on anything, but she could feel herself becoming agitated again.

"Guess what?"

When Max spoke to her, Zoe jumped. She wasn't used to hearing his voice anymore. Glancing at him hesitantly, a smile finally pulled at her lips.

From a curly wurly, he'd fashioned himself a pair of wavy chocolate eyebrows.

A laugh bubbled out of Zoe. "You're mad."

"Like I said, all the best people are."


	5. Chapter 5

Zoe woke several more times that flight, always after having the same dream. She was sitting on a plane and couldn't remember feeling so at peace. Max was by her side, one hand holding hers tightly, but his other arm held their daughter on his lap as she drew a picture for them. Zoe kept feeling overwhelmed with love at the scene before her, and every so often Max would turn to her with a grin, but then suddenly his grin would fade and anger would contort his features. When he began yelling, she'd wake in a panic, often to find she'd been crying in her sleep.

Though this was a dream she'd had on and off since the wedding, all in different settings, it was becoming more distressing, because when she woke now, Max really was there. He really looked at her with a smile, and she continued to expect him to start yelling. Instead though, every time she woke with a lump in her throat and panic in her eyes, Max would smile at her and reach across to wipe the tears from her cheek. When she woke up for the third time, he pulled her to him and let Zoe rest her head on his chest.

It was the first time in months she slept without dreaming.

…

For the first time he could remember, Max was grateful to Dylan. When they landed, he wasn't sure what to do, but found Dylan had realised Zoe was in no condition to think and had written her a detailed list of what she needed to do, as well as booking her a hotel room.

Making a reminder for himself to send Dylan a message later, Max led Zoe through customs and then out into the open airport. He'd managed to get the stain from her dress and it had dried in time for her to wear it, so in her dress and heels she looked more like normal Zoe, but she didn't seem very present. The only indication he had that she was even aware what was going on was her hand gripping his tightly.

"Are you hungry?" Max asked her gently as they walked through all the unfamiliar food outlets.

Zoe shook her head. There were mothers and babies everywhere. The more she saw them, the more she thought about the mother and child who had died, which made her think of Nick and their relationship, which reminded her why she was here. As thoughts whirled in through her head, Zoe shut her eyes.

Seeing this, Max did the only thing that seemed to jolt Zoe out of herself, for a few minutes at least. He leant forward and kissed her gently.

The thoughts in Zoe's head stopped and her eyes flickered open to look at Max, unaware of the people impatiently pushing around them.

"Are you hungry?" Max repeated.

"No." Zoe responded, her eyes still resting on Max's lips.

"How about sushi?" Max asked, ignoring her response.

"Cold fish? Zoe asked with a wrinkled nose, pleased when she saw a smile begin to pull at Max's lips.

"Fish and Chips?" Max offered.

"Just chips." Zoe responded, smiling when she saw Max finally smile.

"Chips it is, then. You sit here with the suitcase and I'll go and find some."

"Wait." Zoe's hand gripped tighter to Max's as he sat her down and then went to let go of her hand.

Hesitantly, Max turned back to her.

"Max, I…thank you."

"I know you'd do the same for me."

At Max's words, Zoe felt warmth begin to spread over her. There was still a chance. If she could just snap out of whatever was wrong with her, there was still a chance.

"I'm not sure I'd let you drool all over the shoulder of my top, though."

Max grinned at Zoe's response. "We'll see. Why don't you send a message to Dylan to let him know you got here safely, I'll be back in a minute."

Zoe nodded and was half way through writing a message before she realised Max must have spoken to Dylan, which meant Dylan would have told him what a state she was in. And what a state the house was in.

"Zoe!" A familiar voice suddenly called her name, and when she turned her head she found Maggie pulling a suitcase towards her.

"What are you doing here?!" Zoe asked, her eyes scanning for Max.

"I got a call from Charlie. I'm here for a conference, but I thought perhaps you could use my support."

Tears prickling her eyes, Zoe stood up and pulled Maggie into a hug. "Thank you."

"I know how close you two were, and I know this is going to be really difficult, but I know Nick would appreciate you being here." Maggie rubbed Zoe's back.

"I've had the worse few months of my life, Maggie, and this on top of everything else has just...broken me. I'm not even sure I would have made it here if it wasn't for Max."

"I finally get to meet the dashing husband, then?"

Zoe pulled away guiltily, aware she hadn't told Maggie what had happened, but before she could reply, a hand rested on her back. "You must be Dr Coldwell?"

Maggie reached out a hand to shake Max's. "It's Maggie. It's lovely to meet you, even if it has to be under these circumstances. The man who has tamed Dr Hanna is a bit of a legend amongst her friends."

Zoe cringed, unsure what Max's response would be.

"Charlie managed to get through to you, then? He wasn't sure he'd be able to."

As Maggie replied, Zoe felt the now familiar panic begin to bubble inside. If Max had been the one to get Maggie to join her, perhaps it meant he was leaving. Maybe he'd just agreed to get her here and then he was going to go home and leave her with someone else. Maybe they all just thought she needed looking after and couldn't deal with anything herself. Maybe she hadn't hid her behaviour recently as well as she thought she had. Maybe-

Her thoughts stopped again when Max dropped a gentle kiss to her shoulder. Looking up, she found Maggie had left her suitcase and disappeared to find something to eat.

"I'm not going anywhere, Zoe."

"You promise?" Zoe asked, her voice breaking.

"I may have been…I may still be angry with you, Zoe, but I love you and I hate to see you like this. I can't say I'll forgive you, I can't say things will go back to how they were, because I don't know if that can happen. But right now it's not about me or about our past. It's about you losing a friend, it's about you needing looking after, and I want to be the person who does that."

When Zoe turned to face him, she had tears in her eyes. "Max…" She had so many thing she wanted to say, but she couldn't think how to say them.

"I know."

After a moment's hesitation, Zoe buried her face in Max's top again, wrapping her arms around him as he did the same to her. "I need you, Max."

"I think I need you, too. I think I always have."


	6. Chapter 6

The next few hours passed in a blur for Zoe. Maggie or Max took everything over and Zoe just went where she was told, the whole while gripping tightly to Max's hand.

When they finally reached the hotel, Zoe let go of Max reluctantly so she could go to the bathroom. When she'd disappeared around the corner, Max relaxed into his seat with a sigh.

"How long has she been like this?" Maggie asked him softly, handing him a glass of water.

"Thanks. I'm not sure. I only noticed a couple of days ago, but Dylan said it's been going on for a while."

"Dylan?"

Max sighed and took a sip of his drink before putting it on the table. "Another doctor. Zoe's friend. He's been…looking after her for a few weeks, he said."

"I see." Maggie offered, though she didn't quite understand what was going on.

Max glanced at Maggie, then down at his feet. "She slept with someone on her hen's night and didn't tell me until after we were married."

"Oh."

Max nodded, concentrating on his shoelaces for a moment before continuing, "From what I can piece together, she wasn't drinking until my mother said something to her about grandchildren, and then she got very, very drunk and took some guy back to her hotel room. The next day she seemed to be getting cold feet, but I convinced her to marry me. I found out about…him at the reception and I've barely seen or spoken to her since."

"…Zoe has always been one for drama."

A humourless smile pulled at Max's lips. "I know she doesn't think she deserves to be happy, I know that's part of the reason she did it, along with what my mother said, probably…but knowing isn't helping me to forget."

"I think it's very noble of you to come with her, I'm not sure I'd be able to."

"She's punishing herself enough for the both of us at the moment."

Maggie studied Max's profile for a moment and saw how much he was struggling to keep his calm exterior. "You're doing the right thing, Max."

"I hope so."

…

Though she still felt exhausted, Zoe barely slept that night. She struggled to sleep normally, but with a different bed and Max once more beside her, it seemed to be even more difficult. After Max fell asleep, Zoe watched him for a long time, trying to memorize every part of him. Eventually she stood and began to pace, unsure what she could do to make her life ok once more and unsure whether she deserved it.

She'd been pacing almost an hour when Max awoke. He watched her for a short time, trying to catch what she was telling herself quietly, but when he saw her agitation growing, he finally stood and approached her.

"It's ok." Was all he could think of to say.

"No, it's not Max! It hasn't been for a long time and it's never going to be again. I've lost everything I've ever loved- you, Nick, the baby, most of my friends, my-"

"What baby?" Max asked, but Zoe was too inside her own head to hear him.

"My family want nothing to do with me, and if I can't snap out of whatever the hell is going on with me, I'll probably lose my job."

"What baby, Zoe?" Max repeated as she sunk onto the edge of the bed.

"I wanted to rush the wedding because I wanted to tell you on our wedding night. It was all going right for once. Everything I ever wanted was falling into place. It was like a miracle- perfectly healthy…perfect. And then it was gone. For no reason. And your mother of course seemed to think it was the perfect opportunity to stick the knife in."

Max sank to the bed beside Zoe as she continued.

"I couldn't tell you. I didn't want to ruin the wedding…so I told her. I told her I'd lost it. And you know what she said? She said it was probably for the best. She said at least I could still drink on my hen's night. "

As Zoe gave a laugh with no humour behind it, Max rubbed his face; overwhelmed by the information he was hearing. She'd been pregnant, and his mother had known.

"I keep having this horrible dream. It starts off so lovely. We are a family- you, me and our daughter. Everything is perfect…until I do something to ruin it. Then you get angry, and sometimes she does, too. I try and make it better, but I never know how to, and eventually you both just disappear, and I'm there alone. I think I'm going mad, Max. I can't stop thinking and the thoughts just go round and round and round and-"

Her windmill of thoughts stop as Max kissed her gently.

When they parted, she saw tears on his cheeks. "I'm so sorry." She whispered, tears beginning to form in her eyes.

"Zoe…" Max whispered back.

After a brief pause, their lips met again, this time a firmer kiss as Zoe lay back on the bed, pulling Max against her.


	7. Chapter 7

When Zoe woke, she felt warm, safe and content. Stretching, she was preparing to go back to sleep when the telephone by her side of the bed began to ring. With a groan, she rolled to answer it, but an arm reached over hers and picked up the receiver.

"Hello?" Max spoke hoarsely, resting on one elbow as Zoe lay back down and shut her eyes.

"It's Maggie. I haven't woken you, have I? It is almost midday…"

Max squinted at the clock and then rubbed his face. "We didn't sleep much last night."

"Oh. Sorry. It's just that a few of Nick's colleagues found out Zoe was here, and they've asked to meet her. I thought perhaps we could do it over lunch?"

Max gazed down at Zoe who kept her eyes tightly shut.

When Maggie received no reply, she pulled the phone from her ear with a frown to check the display before she held it to her ear again. "Max?"

"Yeah. Sorry. Ah…about…half past 1 at the restaurant downstairs?"

"Ok, I'll sort it. See you then."

Max hung up the phone and rubbed his face again as he looked down at Zoe. He knew she hadn't fallen back asleep because there was a slight frown on her face that had disappeared earlier when she'd fallen asleep in his arms.

"We need to have a shower."

Zoe's eyes flickered open to find Max's face was still close enough to hers for her to feel the tickle of his breath. "We?"

"I don't like wasting water."

At Max's response, Zoe gave a slight smile. "Who was on the phone?"

"Maggie."

Zoe waited for further information as she watched Max stand up, but when there was nothing else forthcoming, she asked, "What did she want?"

Max sighed and hesitated before he turned to face Zoe as she sat up. "Nick's colleagues want to meet you."

"No." Zoe climbed out of bed and grabbed her toiletries bag before walking towards the bathroom.

"Zoe-"

"I can't."

"You can." Max walked up behind her as she put the bag in front of the mirror, and when she glanced up, he held her eyes as he wrapped his arms around her.

"I can't." Zoe offered again, with a little less force behind her words.

"We can."

When Max corrected himself, Zoe sighed and turned to face him. "Max…don't. If you're just doing this because-"

Zoe was cut off when Max gave her a gentle kiss. "I'm doing it because I want to. I can't say things will be how they used to be, because everything has changed, but when we get back, I want us to try again. From the beginning, bowling dates and all."

Zoe studied his face for a long time before she replied, "We never went bowling, I didn't want to wear the shoes."

"Mm, I remember, but this time we are going to do things properly. I'm going to do things you like, and you're going to do things I like. That includes bowling."

Zoe finally began to smile, her hands resting on Max's chest. "Okay."

They stood in silence for what felt like hours, just looking into each other's eyes, before their lips finally met. As rushed and passionate as the night before had been, this time was gentle and slow and loving. Nothing existed but the two of them. All Zoe's senses were overwhelmed by Max, and finally the thoughts in her head stopped screaming.

….

"I don't-" Zoe began when they stood outside the restaurant an hour later.

"They just want to meet you, Zoe. They want to meet the woman he always spoke about and they want to share memories." Maggie urged Zoe on with a gentle but firm hand on her arm.

"You must be Zoe Hanna?" A tall woman held out her hand, and if Zoe hadn't been so worried, she would have laughed at the fact all the colleagues who'd shown up were women.

"Ah, yeah." Zoe allowed the woman to shake her hand and lead her to a seat.

Maggie seemed to take the helm, starting off introductions as Zoe glanced around the room. When her eyes fell on Max, a slight smile pulled at her lips. He'd insisted he shouldn't join them because he hadn't known Nick, but he'd sat near by and was pretending to read the menu as he studied the women who sat with Zoe. When he saw Zoe watching him, he motioned for her to turn around and join in the conversation.

When Zoe poked out her tongue and turned back, Max grinned to himself and tried to focus on the menu.

"Pardon?" Zoe asked one of the women who had obviously spoken to her.

"I asked if Nick mentioned anyone? We know he sent you emails."

Seeing the earnest look on the woman's face, Zoe's heart hurt for her, for she knew that look. That's the look that had been on her own face when people used to speak of Nick. She tried hard to remember what Maggie had said the woman's name was before finally remembering. "He did mention a Tiffany quite often."

Tiffany's face lit up and she sat back, satisfied.

Zoe glanced back at max, and when he gave her a wink, she relaxed back into her own chair. She could do this.


	8. Chapter 8

That evening, Zoe was taken to Nick's office by his boss. Max and Maggie walked a few paces behind, and though she was beside him, Maggie could tell Max's eyes were firmly glued on the hand the boss had rested on Zoe's lower back.

"Max-" Maggie began.

Max just shook his head. "I can't do this."

"Max-" Maggie began again but he began to walk backwards away from them.

"I'll see you outside."

Maggie watched him go then gave a sigh before following Zoe into the office. "He was still a bookmark collector, I see."

Zoe gave a slight smile as she ran her hand over the spines of the books on Nick's shelves. "He hated books with folded down corners, so he was always buying bookmarks, but he never used them. Somehow he always seemed to know exactly what page he needed."

Maggie smiled, her eyes looking slowly around the room. "What did Mr Walters say?"

"He said I can take what I want and the rest will be donated to charity." Zoe's fingers came to rest on a photo that stuck out from between two books. Pulling it out, she found a photo of herself. She stared at it silently for a long time, willing the tears that threatened to go away.

"…Do you want a few minutes by yourself?" Maggie finally asked.

Zoe nodded, turning to glance at her as she suddenly realised Max was no longer with them. "Where-"

Maggie interrupted her quickly. "He went to get you a drink."

…

"What are you doing?" Maggie asked as she walked towards the spot Max had chosen to wait in.

"Having a cigarette." Max supplied, kicking some loose stones on the ground.

"I mean with Zoe. This isn't the right time to play with her emotions, Max."

"Don't you think I know that?!" Max threw down his cigarette and stood on it before rubbing it into the dirt underfoot.

"Then what-"

"I love her, Maggie. I love her more than I've ever loved anyone before, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. But what if every time there's another guy around I wonder what's going on behind my back? What if every time I meet someone, I wonder if they're the guy she slept with? What if every time we make love I imagine her with someone else? What do I do then? Put her happiness in front of my own forever?"

"I don't know, Max, I wish I knew, because I can see how happy you make each other. What I do know is that you need to let her talk about it. You can't forget it happened and neither can she, so you need to sit down and discuss it, try and understand why she did it. I know it will be hard, trust me, because I've been there. But the only way you will get through this is by talking to each other."

Max just gave a sigh, studying the ground.

"…Right now, I think she needs you in there with her. She's just lost someone who was a good friend to her."

"And boyfriend." Max snapped.

"Yeah, he was, but you know what? She didn't marry him. She didn't follow him here and most of all she never let him see how vulnerable she can be. She's let you in, Max. Don't forget that."

…

"Hi." Max stood in the doorway to Nick's office hesitantly.

Zoe glanced up and began wiping the tears from her cheeks, attempting a smile. "Maggie said you were getting a drink?"

"Ah yeah, but have you tasted American coffee? I think they lace it with arsenic." Max shut the door softly and walked further into the room. "What have you found?"

"… Just some old photos." Zoe tried to blink back her tears.

Max sat down softly next to her on the couch and pointed to one of the photos. "Who's that?"

As Zoe began telling him about the people in the photos, Max watched her face. He noticed how a small frown would appear and she'd blink rapidly when she was trying to stop her tears falling, then she would bite her lip, and as soon as the tears began to fall she'd lift her hand to wipe them away. Finally, as she reached up to wipe away a trickle of tears, Max stilled her hand and leant forward to kiss her. "It's ok. Just let it out."

"I can't." Zoe whispered.

"You can. You can do whatever you want, because you're Zoe Walker." Max whispered back, their heads bent together.

When Max used that name, Zoe's eyes flickered up to look into his. Fearing she'd still see anger or hurt in his eyes, she was relieved to see only love shining back at her. Gradually, she let her tears fall.

When her cheeks had finally dried, she told Max all about Nick, and Max put an arm around her shoulder, listening in silence and dropping the occasional fluttering kiss to Zoe's bare shoulder.


	9. Chapter 9

As soon as they got back to the hotel that evening, Zoe fell fast asleep, exhausted from the range of emotions that had attacked her that afternoon. Max and Maggie were left to have dinner together, where Max pushed food around his plate and Maggie watched with growing irritation.

"Weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday?"

Max jumped and then looked down at his clothes. "Ah, yeah. I didn't have time to pack anything, so they're all I have."

"Right, come on, we'll go and find you something to wear to the funeral."

Max sighed and pulled on his hoodie, too tired to argue.

As they walked along the beachfront headed towards the bright lights of the stores, Maggie glanced at Max. "What exactly is it you want?"

"From?" Max asked, pulling his phone from his pocket to make sure Zoe hadn't messaged him.

"From Zoe."

"…My best friend back."

"And what are best friends?"

"Why?"

"Just answer the question, Max."

"Someone you can talk to about everything, someone who always has your back…someone who understands you."

"And is Zoe still all those things to you?" When Max nodded, Maggie continued. "Then you still have your best friend, it's just the husband and wife thing you need to work on. You know how you do that? Just like everyone else. You talk, you listen, you cry, you yell and then…" An image of Charlie suddenly flashed in Maggie's head.

"And then?"

"…And then you grow old together."

…

Zoe woke when Max climbed into bed a couple of hours later, but before she could say anything he dropped a gentle kiss to her lips. "Go back to sleep, Mrs Walker."

A smile pulled at Zoe's lips as she spoke with a sleepy slur, "I really like that name."

"I know you do. Go back to sleep." Max kissed her again before resting on his back, pulling the covers right up under his chin.

Zoe rolled onto her side, hesitated, and then rested a hand on Max's chest before shutting her eyes. After several seconds, Max reached up and took her hand in his own before he began playing with her wedding ring.

* * *

The funeral was a blur to Zoe. Max set out her clothes for her, and when they reached the church he greeted everyone on their behalf. She was surprised when they asked her to do a speech until Maggie reminded her she had been asked to the day before and, in her effort to get them to leave her alone, she'd agreed.

When she stood in front of a group of people she didn't know, who all wanted her to say something profound, Zoe could think of nothing to say. She glanced first at Max, who looked as though he was on the verge of joining her, and then at Maggie. In her hands, Maggie held the photo Zoe had found on Nick's bookshelf. The one he'd kept of her. Slowly, words began to tumble from Zoe's mouth. Though she wasn't sure what she said, it seemed to have the right effect on people, and when she returned to her seat between Max and Maggie, they both squeezed her hand.

Now she sat in a car, minutes from home, without any idea what would happen once the car stopped. Max had slept for most of the plane ride, and by the time they reached England, Zoe had imagined so many things that she was too scared to ask.

When Max pulled up outside the apartment building, he sighed and looked up at the window he knew led to their apartment. "Zoe-"

As Max began, Dylan appeared with Dervla racing out in front of him. Ignoring Max completely, Dylan opened the passenger door. "Welcome home! We've made your favourite for dinner, and I even borrowed that terrible movie you love from Rita and I promise not to say a word against it while it's on."

Zoe gave Dylan a smile, relieved he'd taken the pressure from the atmosphere. She passed him her bag, and then he turned to make his way back to the apartment.

"Does he live here now?" Max asked, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice.

"He just has the spare keys."

Max nodded, his eyes firmly on the steering wheel.

"Well, I…thank you, Max. I don't know what I would have done without you." Zoe leant across to kiss his cheek.

Just as she went to climb from the car, Max reached out for her hand. "Call me if you need me. Any time. And maybe tomorrow night, if you're not too tired after work, we could do date night?"

"I'd like that."

"Goodnight, Mrs Walker." Max kissed her gently.


	10. Chapter 10

Zoe walked a few steps behind Dylan into work the next morning, unsure exactly what she was walking in to. As he walked through the entrance, Dylan glanced over his shoulder at her and tilted his head towards Max, who was stood with his back to them.

"Go and talk to him." He urged.

"I can't."

"If what you told me really happened, then you can."

"Are you calling me a liar?" Zoe folded her arms.

Dylan rolled his eyes. "Stop procrastinating."

As Zoe opened her mouth to reply, Charlie appeared. "Zoe! It's good to have you back. How was it? I hope my flowers arrived."

Suddenly several people descended on her at once, asking her about America and the funeral, and the people Nick worked with. Zoe turned to Dylan and then looked with dismay at his retreating back. As she opened her mouth to reply, someone moved to stand in front of her, forcing everyone else to step back.

"Alright, alright! Give her some air, she's not on a bloody game show. Yes, Charlie, your flowers arrived; no we did not go sight seeing because we were there for a funeral, and the funeral was as good as any funeral ever is. Don't you lot have some work to do?"

As his colleagues began to drift back to their jobs, Max turned to Zoe with a grin. "I was just thinking I could get a job with security, but then I realised I'm too pretty to get hit. Got you this."

When Max held out a coffee to her, instead of taking it, Zoe wrapped her arms around him tightly, and after a moment he hugged her back with his free arm. The hug was only brief, and when Zoe pulled away she accepted the coffee, not noticing Robyn watching them from afar with a frown. "Thank you."

"Well, I did steal it from a patient, so…" Max began.

Zoe finally smiled and hit his chest gently. "Go back to work."

"Yes, Dr Hanna."

….

"Did I just see what I think I saw?" Robyn asked as she pushed open the door to Max's office.

"Robyn…"

"Why have you let her worm her way back in after what she did to you?!"

Max stood and shut the door. "She didn't worm her way back in, Robyn. It was me doing the worming."

"Yeah, as usual, because Zoe Hanna would never degrade herself like that."

"Are you done?! What she did, she did to me. I appreciate that you were angry on my behalf, but if I choose to forgive her, that's on me and you should respect my choice."

"So you have forgiven her, then? You're just going to...start married life as though nothing happened, like she didn't sleep with someone the night before your wedding?"

"It's not that simple, and you know it."

"She's just going to hurt you again, Max. She-"

"She had a miscarriage."

Robyn paused now and looked up at her brother for a moment before asking, "Are you sure?"

Max nodded, his Adams apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed, trying to keep his emotions at bay.

"But-" Robyn began, stopping when Max raised a hand.

"She wanted to tell me she was pregnant on our wedding night, but my mother guessed and asked her about it. When Zoe lost the… she told my mother again, and you know what Greta said? She said it was probably for the best." When Max looked up at his sister, he saw realisation dawning on her face. "What?"

"…I think I walked in on the end of that conversation. Zoe was crying, I thought it was because of the gift Greta gave her."

"Well now you know. I need to get back to work."

As Max walked towards the door, Robyn grabbed his arm. "But that doesn't excuse what she did, Max."

"…She didn't think she could have children. She told me on the night I proposed, and I told her that she was more than enough for me. But she never thought she was."

…

"Doctor Hanna?"

Midway through her shift, Zoe looked up warily at the sound of Robyn's voice.

"I was wondering if you wanted to come out tonight? For Big Mac's birthday. A group of us are going bowling."

"Ha!" A dry laugh came from Dylan as he walked past. "Can you imagine Zoe in bowling shoes."

"Actually, I'd love to come, Robyn. Thank you."

"Right, I'll put your name down." Robyn went to turn away, but suddenly remembering she wasn't supposed to know about Zoe and Max yet, she added, "Ah, Max has said he'll go, will that be ok?"

"I'm sure it will be fine."

…

"I thought tonight was supposed to be date night?" Zoe asked when Max joined her in their old smoking area half an hour later.

"And miss the chance of seeing you in bowling shoes? Never." Max pulled the cigarette from Zoe's lips, and she felt a surge of happiness at the once familiar gesture.

"You won't be smiling when I beat you."

Max drew on the cigarette then passed it back to Zoe before walking backwards towards the ED entrance. "If you're going bowling in that dress, I will probably end up bowling in the wrong lane anyway."

As Max disappeared inside, Zoe smiled to herself and rested back against the wall.


	11. Chapter 11

"Are you sure about this, Max?" Robyn looked towards her brother who had his eyes firmly trained on the entrance door of the bowling alley that evening.

"The only thing I'm sure of right now is that I need to do this, or I'll wonder what if forever."

"…If you're doing it because you feel guilty about the baby, or about your mother, Max, you don't need to. You can't-"

"Zoe!" Max stood up as Zoe walked through the doors hesitantly. "We're just over there, down the stairs to the left. I'll get your shoes for you."

"Thanks." Zoe gave him a hesitant smile, glanced at Robyn and then made her way towards the stairs.

"Max-"

"Don't Robyn." Max sighed.

"I was just going to ask if I just saw Zoe Hanna wearing jeans."

Max spun around and just caught sight of Zoe before she disappeared down the stairs. "…I think you did."

…

Zoe wrinkled her nose at the shoes Max presented her with. "Really?"

"And these." Max held out a pair of socks before sitting next to Zoe to pull his own shoes on.

Zoe pulled the socks on gingerly as Dixie flopped down next to her. "Wasn't expecting you here, Zo. How was everything?"

Zoe frowned down at the bowling shoes then looked towards her heels only to see them disappearing into Max's bag. "Put on your shoes." He whispered.

"Ah, ok thanks, Dixie. Not the nicest holiday I've ever had, though."

"What else can you expect from men? Love you and leave you."

Getting sick was watching Zoe almost but not quite put her shoe on, as she replied to Dixie, Max knelt in front of her and put the shoes on. When they were on, he pulled her up and spun her round and then pulled her into his arms. "Well, what do you know. Zoe Hanna in flats."

* * *

"Come on, Zoe!"

"One more strike and our team wins!"

An hour later the girls were calling out to Zoe as she stood to bowl. Max rolled his eyes and folded his arms before calling, "It was a fluke! She wont bowl another one!" As Zoe glanced towards him, he gave a wink.

"Oh, really? That's what you think, Mr Walker." Zoe smirked and readied herself to bowl. She angled her arm backwards and set her feet. As she began to swing her arm forward to let go of the ball, a hand suddenly slapped her on the bum. Jumping, she let go of the ball to soon and it dropped into the gutter beside the alley.

As yells of protests went up from the girls, Zoe spun around to find Max grinning.

"I may have mentioned what the dress might do to me, but…these jeans…"

Zoe couldn't help but smile as she pushed Max back to his seat. "Shut up."

* * *

"How was it?"

Zoe jumped and looked up from her handbag in which she'd been fumbling for her keys. "Dylan, what are you doing here?"

"I thought you might need a shoulder to cry on or some moral support."

"Like this morning when you left me to get attacked by a flock of vultures?"

"I was late for work." Dylan unlocked the door and then stepped aside to let Zoe in. "So, you and bowling. How-"

Dylan was stopped when Zoe burst into tears as soon as she entered the apartment.

"What is it? What's he done?"

"Nothing."

Dylan sighed and rubbed Zoe's arm in an attempt to comfort her despite his awkwardness. "Something must have happened, Zoe."

She shook her head, wiping her cheeks. "It just reminded me of what I ruined."

"You haven't ruined anything. He's giving you a second chance, Zoe."

"But is he? Will he ever be able to forget? Will I?"

"…I know he wants to try again, but do you?"

Zoe was silent for a long time before she finally whispered "I don't know."


	12. Chapter 12

The chapter many of you have been waiting for- The reason for the M rating. Hope it's ok!

*There's a Greggs mention too*

* * *

"Maxwell, I need a favour."

The next afternoon, Max looked up from his comic with raised eyebrows. "I'm on a break."

Dylan sighed and shut the door to Max's office. "It's not about work."

"Well, this is a turn up for the books. Can't get 4 down on the crossword? It's-"

"Stop! I haven't had a chance to look at it yet. I'm here about Zoe. Connie has asked me to do a double shift, but I'm hesitant to leave Zoe by herself all night, so I was hoping you'd go over."

"If you're trying to interfere in our relationship-"

"I'm not. Please. I wouldn't ask, but Connie still doesn't trust me, and her asking me this is a big step towards me getting left alone at work."

Max studied Dylan's face, aware that he wouldn't speak like this unless he really wanted help. "Ok."

…

"Zoe, I need a favour."

Zoe glanced up from her patient's file to find Max stood in front of her. "What sort of favour?"

"Robyn's mother is coming to stay tonight, and I sort of hate her, so I was hoping I could come and stay at our… your place? Just in the spare room. I'll cook you my special dish for dinner?"

When Max called the apartment theirs, Zoe's stomach flipped and she had to try hard not to grin. "It's not that special."

Max smiled, resting on the counter in front of her. "Is that a yes?"

"…if you bring a bottle of wine."

"Done."

…

Zoe's stomach was in knots for the rest of her shift. She knew Max finished before her, so would be at the apartment by the time she got there, and it would be the first time they'd been there together since the morning of the wedding.

When she reached the door, Zoe took a deep breath and then pushed it open, her nose immediately crinkling. "What is that smell?!"

Max appeared with an apologetic smile on his face. "I forgot how temperamental that oven is and I sort of burnt dinner. But the good news is, I brought with me red wine and a lot of chocolate, so I was hoping you might be ok with having that for dinner instead?"

Zoe gave a slight smile as she slipped her shoes off. "I'm sure I'll manage."

"I thought you might. I've run you a bath and put out some pyjama's for you, and when you're all fresh, you can join me in my pillow fort, if you like."

Zoe let out a soft laugh as she saw the stack of cushions on the couch. "I'd forgotten about your pillow fort. Do I even own pyjamas?"

"Yes, Robyn gave you some as a Christmas present last year. You kept throwing them out and I kept bringing them back in, because I knew eventually they would come in handy, and now here we are."

Zoe rolled her eyes, but after Max had unzipped the back of her dress for her, she turned and gave him a gentle kiss. "Thank you."

…

An hour later Max was reclining against a mountain of pillows, with pillows on either side of him as though he was in a giant fluffy armchair. On top there was a thick, warm duvet, but between him and the duvet rested Zoe, her back against his chest as her eyes focused on the TV. Pulling the duvet a little higher so that only her eyes could be seen, Zoe gave a satisfied sigh. "I love pillow forts."

Max dropped a kiss to Zoe's head before biting into a chocolate and giving her the other half.

"…Max?"

"Mmm?"

Zoe lay still for a moment before rolling over so she faced him. "Thank you."

"You already said thank you." Max smiled, tucking hair behind her ear.

"I mean for everything over these past few days. I know it can't be easy for you, but… I was just suddenly overwhelmed by everything, and I didn't like myself very much. If you hadn't come with me…" Zoe grew silent, lowering her eyes.

After a few seconds silence, Max sighed Zoe's name and captured her lips gently. They were soon so caught up in one another that neither noticed when the movie ended and began playing the title music on repeat.

Desperate to be as close as possible to Max, Zoe began tugging impatiently at his t-shirt, and then their lips parted only for a second so he could pull it over his head. When their lips met again, her hands moved down to his belt but she was soon frustrated by the buckle, so leaving it only half open, she slid her hand inside and tingles covered her body when Max moaned her name.

This was different to what had happened in America. There, Max had taken control and everything was drawn out and loving, but now Zoe wasn't scared of feeling anymore. Now, she wanted to scream and to cry and to moan. She wanted everything.

"Zoe." Max managed as he reached between them to grab her wrist.

"Please." Zoe whispered against his lips, worried he wanted to stop.

"You're wearing too many clothes." Max mumbled into her, nipping her bottom lip as she smiled.

The situation was soon rectified, the pyjamas lying forgotten and a little ripped on the floor beside them. The only thing between them now were Max's jeans, and Zoe gave a frustrated grunt as she tried and failed to undo the belt once more.

"Wait." Max said breathlessly, and a moment later, Zoe was flipped over so she was pinned to the couch by Max. Smiling down at her, he pulled away only momentarily to remove the offending item, both of them giving a sigh of pleasure when they finally met skin to skin.

"Please." Zoe urged again, her fingernails leaving marks of Max's back as she tried to pull him closer still. "I need you."

When he finally entered her, Zoe moaned Max's name and it sent a shiver through his body. Feeling this, Zoe moaned it again, but soon found she couldn't stop, her fingernails digging into his back every time he moved inside her. She could feel a fire building within, and Zoe knew she wouldn't last long. Her attempts to tell Max this were only met with his lips crushing hers as he moved deeper still.

For Max, nothing existed but the woman below him who was slick with sweat, her back arching into him as her lips moved soundlessly and her eyes kept tight focus on him. He knew he wouldn't last long, especially when Zoe wrapped her legs around him and urged him to move even deeper inside "Zoe, I haven't g-got a condom." Max managed to grunt the words between kisses, but whether she heard or not, Zoe gave no response but a moan, her back arching again as she twitched around him.

"Zoe." Max tried again, but it was too late. When Zoe's head fell back and she cried out his name, Max was powerless. As Zoe began to contract around him, he quickly joined her, pleasure pulsing all the way to his toes and making them curl. When Zoe felt his warmth spreading inside her, she peaked again, her body taking over as her mind just focused on the man in front of her, their eyes still glued to one another.

…

Zoe didn't remember falling asleep the night before, but she was woken with a start as light suddenly streamed into the room. When her eyes flickered open, she found she was alone on the couch, wrapped in the duvet with Dylan looking down at her with raised eyebrows. "Good night? I brought you some breakfast."

"Thanks." Zoe managed hoarsely, her eyes scanning the table for something of Max's to prove to her that last night hadn't just been a dream. Instead of spotting anything of his, she spotted the man himself in boxers and a t-shirt returning to the room with a yawn. "Anything for me, Dyllie?"

"It's Dylan or Dr Keough, thank you. And yes, I got you a chocolate croissant from Greggs."

Max raised his eyebrows at Zoe before he sat on the edge of the couch in front of her. "Fancy."

Dylan sighed and put his hands on his hips, looking down at them disapprovingly. "Was he alright last night, Zoe? I only asked him to come because Connie wanted me to work a double and I didn't want to leave you alone."

"You _asked_ him to come?"

"Well, yes, I-"

"I need to have a shower." Zoe stood up, holding the duvet around herself as she rushed towards the bathroom.

Max looked at Dylan.

"..What? It's no my fault you didn't tell her."

With a sigh, Max abandoned his pastry to follow Zoe towards the bathroom.


	13. Chapter 13

Max knocked on the bathroom door, but when he got no response he pulled it open, walked in and shut the door behind him. "Zoe…"

"You only came because Dylan asked you to?" Zoe wiped angrily at her tears with a shaking hand.

"He did ask me, yes, but-"

"I'll see you at work." Zoe mumbled before letting the duvet drop as she stepped into the shower.

Sighing, Max stood still for a moment before he walked to the bedroom. Scribbling a note to her, he left it resting on top of her stethoscope.

…

Zoe was relieved to find both Dylan and Max gone when she got out of the shower. Trying to ignore the tears that kept threatening to fall, she fixed her hair and make up and got dressed. She was half way towards the front door when she remembered her stethoscope. Swearing softly, she rushed back to her bedroom, but her footsteps slowed when she saw the note.

 _Yes, I came last night because Dylan asked me to._

 _Yes I should have told you that from the beginning._

 _But, Zoe, I wanted to come inside with you the day we got back, I wanted to be the one who looks after you when you're upset, I wanted to be the one who brings you breakfast and makes sure you get to work on time. I wanted to be the one you lean on, but Dylan has taken that place. When he asked me, I jumped at the chance because I wanted to prove to you that I'm not going anywhere._

 _I want you to let me in, Zoe. Please. No matter how much you pretend that you're ok, I know you're not._

 _Let me love you._

 _Max._

…

When Zoe arrived at work, she went straight to Max's cupboard, but found it empty. Searching her pockets, her hands began to shake when she realised she'd left her phone on the table at home. Telling herself to stop being silly, Zoe made her way to the front desk. "Louise, can you please page Max for me."

Louise glanced up. "Max specifically, or just a porter? Because-"

"Just Max. When he gets here, can you tell him I'm in the staffroom?"

Before Louise could reply, Zoe was rushing towards the staffroom, closely followed by Dylan who had seen the look on her face.

When he reached the room, he found Zoe sitting down on the verge of hyperventilating. "I can't do this. I can't work here anymore. How am I supposed to make life changing decisions for people when I almost have a panic attack because I don't have my phone?"

"Just breathe, Zoe. Calm down. It's ok."

"No, it's not, Dylan! I can't be here!"

"..I'll go and talk to Connie, see if I can get you some time off."

"I already tried. It's too close to Christmas to get any time off. I think I'm going to be sick."

Dylan grabbed her a glass was water which she drank in gulps before handing him back the empty glass. He rested it on the floor and continued to rub her back. "Just breathe, Zoe. In and out…in…and out."

Max hesitated in the doorway and then left unnoticed by either of them.

…

Ten minutes later, Zoe's breathing had calmed and she rested back against the couch with closed eyes. "I asked Louise to page Max, and he hasn't come."

"He's probably busy. I saw him going upstairs a while ago. I can go and find him, if you want?" Dylan offered, desperate to help his friend.

Zoe shook her head and suddenly pushed herself up. "I should get to work."

"Zoe-" Dylan began, but she was already out of the room.

* * *

Zoe managed to make it through the day, but felt more exhausted than she ever had before. She hadn't seen Max all day, despite paging him twice more, and had ignored all Dylan's pleas for her to talk to Connie about time off again.

As soon as the clock hit 5, she was in the staffroom pulling her bag from her locker.

"Hello stranger." A gentle voice spoke from behind her.

When Zoe spun around and saw Maggie, the fragile wall she'd built up crumbled and her tears began to fall.

"Hey!" Maggie pulled Zoe into her arms. "It's alright. I know I look a bit rough, but it's not worth tears."

Zoe gave a soft laugh and pulled back, blotting at her face with her sleeve. "Sorry. What are you doing here?"

"I've got a locum position here over Christmas."

"I thought you had a good job in America?"

"…I did, but I missed my friends and family too much, and there's a few loose ends I never dealt with that I think I should."

Zoe nodded, embarrassed by her tears now as she rubbed furiously at the mascara she knew was streaking her cheeks. "What ward will you be working on?"

"I'll be in emergency."

Zoe frowned at this. "Connie didn't mention anything."

"We've only just now sorted it. I'm taking over your job for a few weeks."

"…What?"

The man Zoe had been searching for all day finally stepped into the room nervously. "I called Maggie and asked her if she'd come. Connie told me she couldn't give you any time off because there was no one to cover for you, so…I found someone."

Zoe looked from Max to Maggie silently.

"It's only temporary, Zoe. You can take as long as you need, and when you're ready to come back to work I have a job offer from upstairs, so don't worry about me."

Zoe looked back to Max, who was unsure if he'd done the right thing. He'd heard Zoe's conversation with Dylan earlier and had set about sorting her some time off straight away. When Dylan had found out, he'd told Max that Zoe would be angry because she would feel like she wasn't in control.

Suddenly tears threatened again and Zoe only managed a whispered, "Thank you."

Maggie smiled, pulling the younger woman into her arms once more. "Just sort yourself out, Zoe. You're a brilliant doctor, but all of us break at some point if we push ourselves too hard."

"Even you?"

"Even me. Now empty your locker and go home, wash your face and spend a few days doing nothing at all."

When Maggie pulled back, Zoe nodded and offered her friend a smile. As Maggie left the room, she squeezed Max's arm.

He approached Zoe hesitantly as she stood emptying the contents of her locker into her bag. "…Zo?"

When she gave no reply, he tried again.

"…I've got some time off, too. I thought maybe we could go somewhere together."

"Devon?" Zoe asked softly.

"Devon would be nice, yeah." Max smiled as Zoe turned and rested against him, gripping his shirt. "But Greece would probably be nicer."

"I think I'd prefer Devon. But first…will you move back in with me?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

…


	14. Chapter 14

"Zoe! Glad I caught you! I don't suppose you want to come to the pub tonight? There's the quiz finals, and we really need you." Rita spoke breathlessly as she reached Zoe just before her car.

Max opened his mouth to say they couldn't, but was surprised by Zoe answering. "Sure."

"Zo…" max began, but Rita had already linked arms with her and began moving them towards the pub. With a sigh, Max followed reluctantly behind.

…

Zoe had no idea why she'd said yes because the pub was the last place she wanted to be. It was loud, warm and so full of people that after a few seconds inside she was sure she couldn't breathe. Just as she was about to tell Rita she'd changed her mind, everyone from the ED seemed to appear, ushering her to take a seat and talking excitedly. Zoe took the offered seat, her eyes scanning the room for Max, but she couldn't see him.

 _He's left. He knows what I did last time I had a drink, and he doesn't trust me not to do it again. I've made the wrong choice. I shouldn't have come, I shouldn't have said yes._

As thoughts whirled around Zoe's head, someone suddenly took her hand, pulling her from her seat. She looked into Max's eyes for a second before he sat in the armchair and pulled her back down to sit on his lap. She could feel his warmth and his steady heartbeat against her back, and it relaxed her immediately.

…

"It was America." Rita offered, sure of herself.

"It wasn't. They were the second. It was the Soviet Union." Zoe supplied.

"That doesn't even exist anymore!"

"So? it did then, and just because it doesn't now doesn't mean they weren't the first in space." Zoe leant forward, readying herself for an argument.

Behind her, Max smiled to himself and took a sip of his beer. He hated the fact that Zoe was really struggling at the moment, but it also pleased him that all she needed was his touch or even his presence to calm her down and help her focus. It made him feel needed, and he'd never felt that way in their relationship before.

When she'd won the argument, Zoe rested back against Max once more, satisfied.

"I love you."

When Max whispered the words into her ear, Zoe smiled and nuzzled her face into his neck, breathing him in. From the safety of his arms, her eyes scanned over her friends and colleagues. She needed to make sure she appreciated them all instead of taking them for granted. She needed to start appreciated herself more as well.

"Right, my round. Usual, everyone?"

When they all agreed, Zoe pushed herself up and then held out a hand to Max. "If you help me carry the drinks, I might even get you a bag of crisps."

"Well how could I resist that?" Max allowed Zoe to pull him up and followed her to the bar. As she rested against it, Max wrapped his arms around her waist. "Just this drink and then home, okay?"

Zoe nodded, reaching up to kiss his cheek. "Home. I like the sound of that."

"I was going to refer to it at the shag pad, but wasn't sure how you'd feel about that."

Zoe laughed and rested back against Max as he tried to get the barman's attention.

* * *

Zoe woke with a start, feeling panicked. Reaching out, she flicked on the light and couldn't for a moment work out what was wrong. Then it hit her- Max wasn't in the bed. Shutting her eyes, she took in and let out a slow breath, as Max would tell her to.

 _He hadn't left. She hadn't done anything wrong. He had just gone to the bathroom_.

"I didn't wake you up, did I?" Max asked as he entered the room with a yawn.

Still with her eyes shut, Zoe smiled and shook her head.

"What are you doing?" Max frowned as he climbed into bed and rested back against the pillows.

"Thinking positive thoughts."

"Is it helping?"

"Well, it was until you came in asking questions."

Max smiled, switching his light off. "Nice. Go to sleep."

Zoe reached out and turned her own light off before nestling into Max. "Max?"

"Mmm?"

"…Maybe we could rent a holiday house in Devon and invite our friends to Christmas?"

"On one condition."

"What?"

"You just relax and let me take care of everything for once."

Zoe smiled and shut her eyes. "Will you take care of me, too?"

"Always."


End file.
